People think that because I never cry.. Or I never seem to be affected by to much of anything, that i'm just the happiest man In The world.. U look at me and 10/10 I will be smiling or laffing no matter what situation I'm put in.. Well little do they know that I smile and laff when I'm nervous .. When I'm upset.. When I feel like crap.. It's All a front!! That's how I been my whole life! I can't help it it's a part of who I am.. You would never know I was goin thru unless I said so. And I am VERY stressed out I am beyond stressed out I could curl up and just die.. Stress is the number one killer in america and Im boutta add to that statistic. Little do people know that when Im alone there are no smiles there is no lafter.. Mostly I just sit and think about how fuked up my life is.. sometimes cry when im alone..
my life didnt always used 2 be fucked up.. i used 2 have everything that i wanted.. i used 2 live the high life.. lol and 2 crash soooo far down from were i used 2 b is killing me.. maybe that means im a weak individual? yes ill b the first 2 admit it.. its like.. will i ever get back on my feet?? will i ever get 2 were i was?? and if not will i get out of this mud that im in now?!? it seems like everytime i take one step up.. somethin happens and knocks me 80 steps back.. after that happens for so long.. i cant help but become weak..
IM REALLY REALLY REALLY tryin my hardest to not give up.. but god when i say that its hard.. its HARD~!! i know i need god while im sayin god... and i know i dont have em.. and thats proly were most of my problems are steming from.. but this is crazy!! if some of you had any idea how many times i have thought about killing myself you would be SHOCKED! And u say kill yourself???? YOU?? are you crazy!?? you would never!! but you would be surprised.. you ask.. what the hell do u got goin on 2 make u wonna kill urself.. and when i think about that.. its true..is it really that serious?? i look around at others who are WAY worse off then me.. but thats were my weakness comes in.. clearly those others are much strong then david lamar.
im not gonna kill myself or n e thing like that.. but this
stress is killing me all by its self.. its making my phsycially sick!.. im always sick.. and i kno its
becuz of stress.. im letting it get 2 me.. ugh.. like i always say.. WHY ME!??! WHAT HAVE I DONE!???? FML!
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